FREE!!!

     I got the impression from the Holy Spirit that it was time for some change for Abide Scripts. I have been praying and waiting for weeks about what it will be. If you have fallowed along at all you know that Abide Scripts functioned as a small business for about a year. It was profitable but getting paid to paint just wasn't for me. I love painting God's word onto canvas in hopes that it will jump off the wall and into people's hearts and lives. There have been countless testimonies of how God has used His word on these canvases. So many of the request I get are from people who know someone who is suffering. I have heard many hard stories and gotten to pray with many for loved ones as they come to pick up their orders. I know that I am to keep painting! I shut the business down and said I would paint if the one's requesting would purchase supplies. I heard through several resources that people wanted to ask for a canvas and didn't mind paying for the supplies but the having to get it and not knowing just what to get was a real turn off as far as contacting me. This ended up being just fine as I was starting school with our three kids and it hadn't really gone well yet (like at all ever). This school year has been very different and down right great! I have a lot more time on my hands as my man just started a second job to ensure that I can stay home full time with the kids.

     OK that is all the back story and now the cool thing that happened today. I was talking with my land lord as he was picking up his lawn mower up. He loves Jesus and is a pilot for Samaritan's purse. He was telling me that he had an opportunity to hang out with Franklin Graham the other day and how blessed he was to find that Franklin is just one of the guys and so very humble. He mentioned that its amazing how much God has provided for this ministry of taking shoe boxes of gifts to kids all over the world. My land lord shared a story of great provision. I was so blessed and reminded once again that God's provision is not limited. I shared with him that I was encouraged. I said I had a small dream to paint for free. I don't know how God is going to do it but I really believe He is and that his story encouraged me to keep being patient. You will never believe what he said next. "Jess why don't you go ahead and write your rent check for $100 less next month and use that for supplies." I of course broke down and cried right then and there! So it starts. Painting for free. This is still quite the faith walk as $100 will buy about 10 canvas' worth of supplies and I don't know what God will do from there. I can't wait to paint those 10! To celebrate I want to give away this canvas. It is the first of painting completely for free. If anyone would like to have it or get it for a friend just let me know and its yours!

12x16 in.

For the Married Gals

What happens in your heart when you read this?

Wives, submit to your won husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Eph.5:22  

     I personally have had a love hate relationship with these inspired words of God. Lets remember that the Creator of our bodies, souls, spirits and personalities wrote this. This is God's heart, desire and COMMAND for us married gals. So what do we do with it? 
          I can tell you what I have done with it. I had despised it. I have obeyed it. I have pretended it wasn't there. I have stayed up late after a terrible fight studying it in the Greek word by word and the conveniently forgotten to walk it out. I have walked it out in many situations and seasons. I have failed to walk it out as well. Bottom line God has been growing me as a wife these last 11 years and 3 months. Recently (like this morning) God has shown me something new and wonderful about the submit thing. 
           My man and I just went through something hard. It didn't have anything to do with submission or so I thought but God used it to unearth some serious disobey in my life. I have not truly followed my husband yet. Its embarrassing to state this 11 years in but I am comforted that I have the rest of my life to change. So this is what I used to do (like last week). If my man asked me to do something or change something or try to lead me in any way I would evaluate if I agreed or not. If I did agree I would do whatever the things was joyfully and slap the submission label on it. If he asked something I didn't agree with I would reason away why I didn't need to do it. He doesn't understand, I wasn't brought up that way, he isn't perfect so it might not be safe to follow that and the list goes on! I am talking about the entire gamut of life issues from parenting to "Babe, please turn on the exhaust fan when you cook." 
     During our recent hard time God challenged me about this controlling attitude towards when I felt like obey Him or not. Obeying Him, God by submitting to him my husband.  He (God) said to me, what do you think would happen if you just did the things Paul asked you to do? I made a list of all the big and littles I had been rebellious with my husband about. Turns out every single one was for my benefit. Like if I followed him in the things he asked of me or in directions he wanted to take our family I would receive good things. One example, I have struggled with my health as in not eating well and working out consistently. My sweet man would gently encourage me, "Babe, I know its hard but you just gotta stay consistent with eating well and working out." In my heart I would get annoyed, like "ahhhh don't tell me what to do you have no idea how hard it is to home school, run the house, work out and eat well." Really the only thing that fuels that kind of response to our men is pride. 
     So now that we have some of the problem pin pointed, PRIDE, lets talk about the other thing that stops us from submitting to our husbands. Not TRUSTING God. 
     I have let God know more that a few times that I think its incredibly ridiculous that He expects me to follow and submit to an imperfect man. I'm OK with following and submitting to Him because He is perfect and wont mess up in leading but how in His goodness does he expect me to lay down my "right" to manage myself and give it to a fallen person? His answer to this very destructive attitude of mine was not what I expected. I wasn't even asking it recently but though the challenges Paul and I faced this week God showed me through my man. GRACE.
     I messed up. I hurt my husband. I allowed the sin of coveting what other have and I don't to tell my husband he wasn't good enough. Yuck. God used this to show me that I really am a wretch. I really am a mess and a sinner. See growing up "good little church girl," this being an utter failure apart from God concept has been difficult for me to grasp. I hurt my man. You know what he did? He loved me. I was so undeserving and he was so kind. It blew my mind. It taught me about God's love for me and taught me through experience just how wonderful grace is. I needed grace and it was freely give. Back to why it is safe to follow our fallen husbands. Because the same grace that saved us from and eternity apart from God and saves us daily as we screw up is the same grace that God pours out on our men. God is big enough to handle our men. He loves them more that we do. It might feel like a tall order to submit but could you imagine the pressure of leading. Our husbands don't need us to drive them but fallow and support them. While in the midst of our struggle this week we did have separation as far as connectedness. In that time I took God seriously with His challenge to just follow with deciding if I agree. (obviously I'm not talking about following blindly in to sin stuff)  Even when Paul was on shift and not even home I felt more connected to him than ever in my life. I don't know about you ladies but feeling united with my man is like a top favorite experience in my whole life. The benefit of submission is connection. God created marriage to be this great mystery of oneness with our spouse. There is not greater experience on earth that I have had than that. 
     I hope this is encouraging to someone. I am so excited to follow my man through the good choices and bad. To actually trust God enough to do this marriage thing His way. I know that God has blessing in store as I obey that I can't even fathom! I also know that it will take work. It will take staying focused on God, it will take allowing Him to clean out the junk in my heart and refill it with Himself. It will take a continued growth and learning about grace and humility that I have never know before. I am so thankful for Jesus, I am so thankful for marriage and I am so thankful for my Paul. 

Back on Social Media

When I deleted my FB account I held it with an open hand. I knew I needed to to obey and it has been great 2 months with out it. I have made an account this week for the soul purpose of painting. You can't have a FB Page with out a personal page so I gave myself the name of Abide Scripts. My purpose in doing this is to reconnect with people wanting scripture painted on canvas. Since shutting down the business of Abide Scripts I haven't painted much. Its been a year of getting my priorities straight. The volume of painting I was doing was not working for the amount of time I truly had to devote to this ministry. It was good to dive into the school year with the kids and not have the added pressure of painting. School is going really well! Thank you Jesus! I have gotten organized and feel it is time and God has lead me to reach out and make my self available to paint again. I am really excited as I have already gotten to paint 2 canvas' and have a request for more. It is a little embarrassing to declare I am deleting my FB only to re-loanch it again in 2 months but I am determined to obey the Lord and I do believe He has lead in this direction. You can pray for me as FB was a major temptation to use as a coping mechanism instead of going to Jesus. I am garden about using it for painting. I am sharing life pictures on Instagram these days but will be keeping my FB strictly for Abide Scripts use. Just wanted to share the heart behind all the back and forth. I hope this post finds you blessed and continuing to dig into God's powerful word daily!

Mom Size Tragedy

      I love pictures of my kids. Classic Mom, right? Some people take more pictures that others. I have always been a big picture taker. I do have a bent towards documenting but there is another motivation factor for me. DOOGIE HOWSER!

 I am not even joking. Doogie Howser, not that I was allowed to watch the show but when I was 9 I had a dream and his face was as clear as can be. So what? Right? That's just silly and no big deal.
     Even though Doogie is not a face I care anything about it was the first and only time so far in my life that I could see a face when dreaming or think of anyone. I can't see faces unless they are in front of me or in a picture. I have no idea why but as a result pictures have taken not only a special but important place in my heart.
     Last week we were out in the country on the property of some friends. It was a hunting party! Us gals hung out and the guys went out to shoot deer. It was super fun.

Self with a horse, new one for me! 

I brought my big camera in hopes to get some good shots of the kids in an environment we all prefer over the city. Boy did I get great shots. There was one in particular that I was determine to actually print and frame! Bear was up on Stormie's back with the biggest smile! Right as I snapped the shot Stormie yawned looking as if he was smiling too. Oh and the sun was beaming in behind them! It was a great shot. I got home that night and uploaded my pictures. Sure that they all uploaded I decided to format my disk since I hadn't done it in a while. I had a little check in my heart to to wait but I decided to push the button any ways.
     Well, for the first time I only got a partial uploaded onto my computer and I lost "the shot." I was so disappointed. I literally got mad and then cried. I cried a lot. I may have been crying out the weight of other life issues, you know how that goes. Finally, the thought accused to me maybe God has a purpose in this. So I asked. What was the point of that! I'm so mad at myself and disappointed! I know that in the whole of life this is stupid but I mattered to me! I felt the Spirit promoted my heart to look at the pictures I did upload. So I did. With tear filled eyes I saw it. The better "the shot" picture. It wasn't a picture of Bear who really wasn't that into the horses anyways. He brushed them for 5 min. and asked if he could go do something else. When He saw that Troy and Abi got to sit on the horse he ran back to sit too. Troy, is our kid that loves nature more that the rest. I love this about him. It seems our strongest connection right now as he is in a new phase of life. It's not my favorite that we have been through. I hear its normal but it takes a great deal of patience and discernment on our part as parents. He is almost 8. I'm sure this will be nothing when he is 13 but for me, right now its challenging.
     This picture captured the part of my son that I need to keep at the forefront of my mind as we go through our days of schooling, discipline, training and playing.

     God made this kid in His image. Troy loves God's creation and it is a giant blessing in my life. He was at that horses gate long before time to brush them and long after. Talking to them and admiring their beauty. This is the shot that God knew I NEEDED. Like my heart and my focus in loving my son in a not so lovable season is better off for the "amazing shot" getting deleted. I was so distracted by "the shot" I didn't even see this one.
     I have the this picture as my desk top to remind me that God does see and care about my Mom size tragedy but if I will put Him ever before me I shall not be shaken (Ps. 16:8) I could have shaken my fist at God and blamed my blunder on Him. In my pride I may have done that at other times but God has been teaching the great importance of humility lately. That its the soil that grace takes root in. I don't want grace to bounce of my pride I want to to soft humble soil for God to plant His grace into that He might harvest fruit for His kingdom.

"Humility is the only soil in which the graces root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone takes the right attitude before God, and allows Him as God to do all." -Andrew Murray 

People Pleasing

     The teenage girls in my church asked me if I would teach them the Word. We have been meeting weekly since the mid-summer. I am so blessed that God would add this to my life. I love doing life with these girls.  I had let it go that I would ever get to teach girls again. These particular girls are truly seeking Jesus. It is so refreshing to hear their hearts and struggles and go to God's word together for the answers. I have been giving the girls opportunity to teach as well. This last week the youngest of the group taught us out of 1 Peter 5. She said something that caught my attention. "We need to be prepared to fail." She said Peter failed big time and so does she. Her humility was beautiful and somewhat uncomfortable for me.
      I have been a pretty faithful student of the Word for some time now but there is still this thing that happens. I can know something intellectually all day long but unless I humble myself under that truth it doesn't get to affect my life the way God intends it to and I miss out. In other words I have the grace of God but it is to no affect if I don't let it come in a rearrange my thinking and therefore living. I want to be able to say with Paul: But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I work harder than all of them- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1Cor.15:10 
     So back to the comment made by this sweet teenager. "We need to prepare to fail." I have wrestled over this because I know that this should resound in my soul and "Amen" should come out of my mouth but my gut reaction to this and even after much prayer is, "HUH?" In the study time with the gals we talked about humility. How so often humility comes after a time of suffering. I have found this to be true in my own life. I also have found that humility is the most unnatural state of heart there is for me in my flesh. Now this lack of humility has been manifesting its fruit of corruption in some areas of my life. The one I'd like to share about is parenting.

    I am constantly disillusioned in my life that I am not a perfect Mom. When I don't know what to do with my kids or I do know how to handle a situation and instead choose to be lazy or out of control emotionally I recognize it and.........this is were I go wrong. I have this standard of perfection set up for myself and when I don't meet it (every single day) I am disappointed. I beat myself up with guilt and then downward spiral into self-pity. This has an appearance of repentance but it is not. Repentance is seeing our wrong and look next to Jesus. What I do is see my wrong and keep my gaze on myself which results in guilt.
      I have this lie that I have believed most of my life. "If I want to be accepted (which I desperately do) I need to get it right, all of it." I have been telling myself this lie as if it where the gospel. "To get grace you have to earn it." WHAT! When I step back and compare this to all of my knowledge of God's Word its down right stupid. But the thing about lies is that they aren't always smart yet somehow they get a hook in our thinking that cannot be undone with out filtering that think through truth found ONLY in our bibles.
     So this scrambled inside out gospel is really not good news at all. There is no room for humility and preparing to fail. There is only try harder, strive, and prove your worth loving and being accepted. This gets messy and exhausting when you have 3 immature humans in your charge and their approval of you and your choices shifts like the wind because they are 7, 5 and 4. The reality that we cannot live our lives in fear of others opinions comes home real quick. Well I wish it had been real quick. I has actually taken me almost 8 years to see this one.
     To wrap up this post, If I am believing any other gospel the true gospel found in the Word (by grace I have been saved not of my works) I am going to live a scrambled inside out life. One that strives for something that has already been freely given, acceptance and grace.  I am going to sway to the whims of opinions all around me even those of the tiny people I have been called to lead not follow. The real tragedy of people pleasing is that we choose shifting acceptance man instead of unchanging love and intimacy with the Father. I want to sew to the Spirit and reap everlasting life both sides of heaven. I do not want to sew to my own gospel, my version of right, my flesh and reap the all to familiar corruption.

Gal. 6
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Gal. 1

10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

WHY I'M DELETING MY FACE BOOK ACCOUNT

   The shortest answer is, BECAUSE I WANT TO. Seriously! I know its so not the normal. Face book has so many wonderful aspects. I love that I have gotten in contact with people from seasons past. I love the messaging. I love seeing the wonderful things people are doing with their lives. You can log on to so many things easily with your FB account. The list goes on. So why in the word would I purposefully give up something so great. Because, I am easily distracted. It is easy for me to log on and have 30 min. go by just zoning out and not even realize it. I have used it to cope with life. Dangerous. Just like any other (food, spending money, working out, drugs, alcohol, sex) coping mechanism apart from Jesus is dangerous. I struggle with pride on a regular basis. FB is a great outlet for me to show off. Not good.  I have also struggled much with (Though I have had serious victory lately) envy. Wanting what other's have for myself. Easy for me to do when I am seeing snapshots of what others have or get to experience.
     Now I have been asked why not just limit yourself access to it so as to keep those heart issues in check. That is totally one way to go about it and I assume that many people do that. I have in the past.   Over the last month I have been limiting myself and have enjoyed my real life so much more. When I am mindful of what I will post regarding events or moments in mine and my families life I find that I hover over the experience instead of being present in it.
     I DO NOT feel convicted that this is some thing God is calling me to do. I have prayed much about it and believe His answer on this one is, " you pick."  "Either way is OK." So, I pick delete. I want to be free of this particular pull in my life and gather up all those lost minutes. I want to use those minutes to call a friend and connect on a deep heart level. Or maybe play my guitar again. Or read a book! Eh... that probably won't happen but who knows maybe. Also this parenting thing is getting harder. It requires less diapers and carrying babies around but way more heart investment. I want to spend my energy on that instead. I only have so many unscheduled or free minutes in the day Face book is not longer a way that I want to spend them. Let me be clear I am not anti FB. This is just my desire for myself. If you love FB by all means go on loving it! Maybe I will open a new account in the future I don't know but for today, I am choosing delete and I am really excited about it.
     I just wanted to share so that if you were a FB friend and couldn't find me you knew why. Now if you are my FB friend and would like to stay in contact please message me in the next week. Give me your email and number because I would love to stay in contact too.
    Something else that I will just have to trust the Lord with is this blog. I do write in hopes to encourage and build others up. Most of the views for this blog come directly from FB. So if you would like to know when I post please enter in your email over on the right so you can get notifications when I have posted. If I ever write something and it encourages you and you want to pass it on by all means feel free to post it on your FB. Because remember I'm not anti FB :) This blog is for God's glory anyways...its not about how many people read it but I want to obey as He has clearly called me to write. If its only for one person and that person is me...OK!
      So that is it. I hope to interact with you my beloved reader here on this blog or through email or the phone. I may even start writing real letters again! That's could be fun! So this is me signing off FB. Bye <3

I didn't really know what picture to put with this post...ah how
about this one...I love this one! lol

WHAT HAPPENED!

     We got lazy. It happens. Your desire is to parent God's way. To instill in your kids morals, scriptural truth to be consistent with discipline. Train them up in the way they should go. Show them through your example how WORTH IT it is to walk with Jesus.  Last time you got lazy it wasn't worth it. So what is different this time? I'm glad you asked.
      God has been growing me in the understanding that this walk with Him is not a  one and done thing. We will continually grow till the day of Christ Jesus' return. Each time we screw up, God is ready and willing to give us wisdom and knowledge. So that the current sin can become a FORMER passion of ignorance. (1Peter 1:13-14) We get to sober up from the drunkenness of our idol worship, set our hope FULLY on Jesus and take ACTION one step at a time in grace. Yes, please!
     The night before my birthday Paul and I had a hard conversation. Bed time was terrible but just a symptom of a bigger problem. My husband drew a line in the sand. He said, we have both gotten lazy in our parenting and we need to stop. We know how to parent God's way we just need to be STEADFAST. We talked about some specifics (for my sake) and prayed. He confessed our sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness. This was a great and scary moment for me. My husband is leading us in obeying God! Always great. I need to follow and be steadfast even when he is gone for 48 hours at a time thats a little scary. The next day (my 34th birthday) he did most of the parenting.

I'm 34

I watched and listened and supported. It has not been easy in the days to follow. There have been failures and successes. Its been a time of retraining for the whole family. God is bringing up root causes for why I have parented my own way in certain areas. The most encouraging thing I have learned in the early stages of this change is found in 1 Peter 5:2-4. This will also answer the question in my title WHAT HAPPENED? Track with me this will be the best part of this post as it is God's WORD!

shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. 

     To shepherd means to feed. I feel like I feed my kids all day long! They wake up and the first thing out of our Bear's mouth is can we eat now. To feed our kids goes beyond the struggle to get them to eat the dinner they hate. We are given the calling to nourish them on a heart level. To be the filter over what goes into their little lives. To watch diligently over them which is exercising oversight. What are they watching how are they treating each other. How am we are treating them. We don't want to be micro manager Mom's but we do want to keep a close eye not just with their safety but their hearts. Are we praying for our kids? I will be honest I really struggle with this. I just often, don't. This is basic shepherding of our children. We have to pray for them. I am convince its because it changes me. When I pray for my kids out loud a softening happens in my heart towards them. In the crazy moments that are promised to happen in the day it is good to have a soft shepherding heart towards my gifts from God.
    Next God tells us to do all this willingly and not under compulsion. These are clear opposites and I have parented both ways! When my perspective gets to the place of felling sorry for myself that I have to keep parenting and don't get to have peace and quiet that is a serious red flag. Compulsion is a state of being forced to do something. Some times when it gets hard at home my attitude goes there. Like God is making me get to be the 10% of women in America that get to stay home with their kids and raise them herself. Oh yeah, poor you Jess! So how do we get willing? Ask God to change you. Call a sister in the Lord ask her to pray for you and give you sound perspective. Its helpful to hear someone else say it out loud some times.
     Next up is not doing this shepherding call for shameful gain. Now this passage is geared towards pastor but totally applicable to us parents. What is shameful gain in my world? Mom points. Yep, you know the ones you get when you post an amazing picture on social media and you get a quick, gratifying, amazing response from other mom's, about how amazing you are and how amazing the life is that you are amazingly providing for your kids. Now that was obnoxious I know but that is the state of my heart at times. Obnoxious! Instead of being present with my kids and going on and doing amazing things with them (because that's the call and nothing out of the ordinary) I crave acceptance and praise beyond the Lord's delight in my obedience. Now you may not struggle with social media in the is way I do. It may be people pleasing or pride in so other way. In Mom currency shameful gain would be a payment for your services to your flock that is anything valued above your Lord saying good job. Side note. I have taken a break from posting real time anything on social media. It has helped me be present and not hover above my life but be in it. I felt the Lord say, "go one and take the pictures cause you love that and then just share it with me. No one on this planet will delight over your kids and family moments as much as I do."
      Alright I think the this is the gem of this whole verse! It has made it on my chalk board to pose as a constant reminder of being Mom God's way. So we don't parents for Mom points but we do this calling eagerly without domineering (lording against) over them. Eagerly is translated to alacrity. Alacrity is: a QUICK and CHEERFUL readiness to do something. Oh sweet Jesus pour this out on us Mom's in abundance.

     So we are to be willing and not domineering over those in our charge. Those in our charge is translated GOD'S HERITAGE. Pieces of wood to be used for building something. That is what happened lately in me. I lost respect for the call. I lost sight of the fact that I have been shepherding, feeding, loving and going on hikes with, sweeping up glitter after, playing the dreaded Mommy Daddy game with, disciplining, signing them up for new experiences apart form me, and raising God's heritage. When I read that it was as if God's gently, warm hands cupped my face and turned it to look straight into His eyes. Now got do it Jess. Yes Lord.