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Saturday, October 3, 2015

People Pleasing

     The teenage girls in my church asked me if I would teach them the Word. We have been meeting weekly since the mid-summer. I am so blessed that God would add this to my life. I love doing life with these girls.  I had let it go that I would ever get to teach girls again. These particular girls are truly seeking Jesus. It is so refreshing to hear their hearts and struggles and go to God's word together for the answers. I have been giving the girls opportunity to teach as well. This last week the youngest of the group taught us out of 1 Peter 5. She said something that caught my attention. "We need to be prepared to fail." She said Peter failed big time and so does she. Her humility was beautiful and somewhat uncomfortable for me.
      I have been a pretty faithful student of the Word for some time now but there is still this thing that happens. I can know something intellectually all day long but unless I humble myself under that truth it doesn't get to affect my life the way God intends it to and I miss out. In other words I have the grace of God but it is to no affect if I don't let it come in a rearrange my thinking and therefore living. I want to be able to say with Paul: But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I work harder than all of them- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1Cor.15:10 
     So back to the comment made by this sweet teenager. "We need to prepare to fail." I have wrestled over this because I know that this should resound in my soul and "Amen" should come out of my mouth but my gut reaction to this and even after much prayer is, "HUH?" In the study time with the gals we talked about humility. How so often humility comes after a time of suffering. I have found this to be true in my own life. I also have found that humility is the most unnatural state of heart there is for me in my flesh. Now this lack of humility has been manifesting its fruit of corruption in some areas of my life. The one I'd like to share about is parenting.
    I am constantly disillusioned in my life that I am not a perfect Mom. When I don't know what to do with my kids or I do know how to handle a situation and instead choose to be lazy or out of control emotionally I recognize it and.........this is were I go wrong. I have this standard of perfection set up for myself and when I don't meet it (every single day) I am disappointed. I beat myself up with guilt and then downward spiral into self-pity. This has an appearance of repentance but it is not. Repentance is seeing our wrong and look next to Jesus. What I do is see my wrong and keep my gaze on myself which results in guilt.
      I have this lie that I have believed most of my life. "If I want to be accepted (which I desperately do) I need to get it right, all of it." I have been telling myself this lie as if it where the gospel. "To get grace you have to earn it." WHAT! When I step back and compare this to all of my knowledge of God's Word its down right stupid. But the thing about lies is that they aren't always smart yet somehow they get a hook in our thinking that cannot be undone with out filtering that think through truth found ONLY in our bibles.
     So this scrambled inside out gospel is really not good news at all. There is no room for humility and preparing to fail. There is only try harder, strive, and prove your worth loving and being accepted. This gets messy and exhausting when you have 3 immature humans in your charge and their approval of you and your choices shifts like the wind because they are 7, 5 and 4. The reality that we cannot live our lives in fear of others opinions comes home real quick. Well I wish it had been real quick. I has actually taken me almost 8 years to see this one.
     To wrap up this post, If I am believing any other gospel the true gospel found in the Word (by grace I have been saved not of my works) I am going to live a scrambled inside out life. One that strives for something that has already been freely given, acceptance and grace.  I am going to sway to the whims of opinions all around me even those of the tiny people I have been called to lead not follow. The real tragedy of people pleasing is that we choose shifting acceptance man instead of unchanging love and intimacy with the Father. I want to sew to the Spirit and reap everlasting life both sides of heaven. I do not want to sew to my own gospel, my version of right, my flesh and reap the all to familiar corruption.

Gal. 6
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Gal. 1
10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.