"Set the TONE"

     I dont know if it is a woman thing or just a Jess thing but I have thing automatic pull in my being that when my husband is talking I want to clarify for him. Not because he is a pour communicator, quite the opposite, he is great at explaining just about anything. 

Let me give an example. 
     Last week I noticed that while correcting the kids in his parenting he started using the saying, "you set the tone for your day." So true but I looked at our 6 and 5 year olds faces and was pretty sure they had no idea what he was talking about other than you just messed up and don't do that any more. I think the 8 year old got it but wasn't sure. The pull happened! I wanted to jump in with a, " now do you all know what setting the tone means?" The Holy Spirit stopped me. I have really been working on letting my husband be the Dad and not doing it for him. Quality goal right gals!  
     As I remained quiet I continued to hear My man use this saying then it hit me, teach them what it means! Not while my husband is in the middle of being Dad but at a separate time! You guys, this is seriously revolutionary! So I began to ask the Lord what it means to set the tone, cause lets be honest we know that Mamma does in the home! 
     The first scripture that came to mind was 1 Cor. 13 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

     Then in my regular reading I was in Roman's 6! 

I don't know why but the image of this old record player a Gramophone I think its called came into my head. I thought I'd put that on our memory board and teach them about it. I thought I could also bust out my old Fisher Price record player and that can be our example of beautiful music and love. As I got the player out of the basement I looked though my records. Fantasia! Oh yeah! That is all beautiful music! Sweet. I cut out some examples of using our members for right and unrighteousness on music notes. Pretty sure my kids didn't even notice but its the little things that delight me so I went for it.

     I looked up a youtube video of a gramophone playing music and we had a mini dance party. Then we sat down and read that first part of 1 Cor. 13. I asked if they knew what a clanging cymbal was and got blank stares so I grabbed the spoon and whacked it all around in one of the pots. They all jump about three feet and got mad at me that I scared them. I used that opportunity to say, " I bet and when you all don't love each other its a little scary around here." This lightened the mood or "set the tone," for some humble learning.

     I asked what some example of clanging behavior or choices might be and was met with over dramatic examples, shocker. Also got some good examples and ideas of how to love one another. Exposing that they have been train quite well in right from wrong. It was nice to hear that these truths really are sinking in its just hard to walk them out in the heat of conflict. Welcome to the club kiddo's! I had a few music notes like I said with right and wrong on them. They each got a pot and untencil, risky move I know but worth it. I had the Fantasia record going whole time and would turn it up when I displayed a note of righteousness and then down so they could bang away on the pots for notes of unrighteousness. Even our puppy Duke got in on the fun! 

That was it. I will continue to use this experience to draw on as we continue memorize our verse or as we go through out the day. At one point in the day there was fighting. I grabbed a pot and spoon and started banging it, getting everyones attention of course and then smiled real big. They stopped and smiled. Right from wrong an love from unkindness are not hard concepts they just take abiding in Christ to walk them out. So I am doing my best to be faithful to teach these  little wonders the truth and pray with all my heart they choose it for themselves. 

     I am finding that simple interactive time for teaching bible truth is super affective. You should also know that they did not sit on their chairs well. One leaned so far forward she fell on her head. There were several interruptions and I have to get a drink or pee and this whole thing didn't go as I originally planned. I did however listen to the Holy Spirit as we went along and I think they got the point. 

He who has ears

      Hey there! Again, I haven't written in a while. I don't know if its the enemy discouraging me or just the ebb and flow of seasons.
      I was recently blessed to be flown out by Mom and Dad with my whole family for a visit! While there a few people asked are you still blogging I miss reading it. I was honestly shocked by that because it was so far off my radar! Anyways, I have something I want to share now.
     We had a wonderful trip to San Diego, the place of my growing up. Our family time was rich just the 5 of us during the day and time with Mamo, Papa, Uncle Lucas and Uncle Cody was pretty much the best yet. Hubby got to come for a week and then the kids and I stayed a second week.

More pictures from our trip at the end of the post

     My man hates being home with out us. I know we drive him crazy half the time but when we are away he is so verbal about how much he loves us and I get to hear his heart towards me in new ways that I relish! When we did get home it was a wonderful reunion as it always is and then just a few days later this thing about me came up.
     It started with Bear our 6 year old.
Bear: Mom.
Me: Yeah
Bear: Mom, could you just stop and look at me when I say your name. You aways keep walking away and I really want to tell you something and you don't listen.

      That truth out of my babies month was a little annoying honestly. "Seriously he doesn't know what I am required to do in a day. I HAVE to keep going or it will never get done!" I firmly rationalized way the holy conviction in my heart. Because I am so deeply and tirelessly loved by my Jesus a second conflict arose and this time with my husband. He was explaining something to me as I was preparing future lessons for the kids (as we are starting school for the year on Oct.3). I kept on with my preparations and half listened to him. When I think back now really I only listened enough to get the right responses in. "After all, he has not idea the pressure I am under to be mom, homemaker and teacher and I can't stop any old time he wants to tell me something." Well I got busted because I didn't get one of the, "ah, mmhum or ok babe," responses right. He got frustrated with me and said, " could you just stop what you are doing for a minute, your only half listening to me and I don't want to have a whole other conversation later about this when your ready to receive the details." Something else negative happened in communication that morning with my man and I began to sulk. The Holy Spirit would encourage me, Jess this is opportunity for change. "AH seriously, Lord he misses me so much when I'm gone and now that I'm here I just bug him." It was a toilet flush from there (you know downward spiral). Finally after about 20 minutes of poor me, poor me, blah blah blah! I went to Paul and said," I'm feeling really fragile about myself, all I am doing is bugging you and doing things wrong." My expectation at that point was for him to list wonderful things about me and make me feel better. Instead, he said, "Well why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and change." AH WHAT! Rude! I got quite an mad. He proceed to tell me gently, "Babe, this has been a thing our whole marriage. You half listen. You ask question and don't tune into the answer and then ask it again 2 hours later, I love you but it has been frustrating for me." I began to soften. I told him of my interaction with Bear and that I think God is getting my attention about something. He encouraged me the that discipline from our God isn't pleasant but we get to love better if we will do the work of surrender and change.
     So here is what to Lord has shown me since. Beyond the obvious root of selfishness of not wanting to be interrupted with my agenda. God said to me, "he who has ears let him hear." Matt. 11:15 Jesus said this a few times about different subjects.  Well I have ears sooooooo what am I missing Lord.
     To Hear is a primary verb and it also means to give audience. I got a visual. He is calling me to take the action to humble myself and purposefully come to the front of the stage and step down. Turn completely around and give my family the gift of HEARING them. Not even just listening with my eyes and body posture but with my God lead spirit. To slow down enough to truly HEAR what they are saying. This is something I lack in my walk with God as well.
     I have put this into practice and man does it make a difference. I even started putting my hands on my knees and bending over to be eye to eye with the kiddos. My man has been on a 48 at the fire station so I haven't gotten to practice much with him.
     Isn't God so good to frustrate our sin or have others frustrated with it! EEK! I am so thankful for my family. With out them I would surely go on living quite selfishly and I would be the poorer for it.
     So the challenge for the day is are we truly listening to our people? Are we willing to stop and HEAR them?