Mom Size Tragedy

      I love pictures of my kids. Classic Mom, right? Some people take more pictures that others. I have always been a big picture taker. I do have a bent towards documenting but there is another motivation factor for me. DOOGIE HOWSER!

 I am not even joking. Doogie Howser, not that I was allowed to watch the show but when I was 9 I had a dream and his face was as clear as can be. So what? Right? That's just silly and no big deal.
     Even though Doogie is not a face I care anything about it was the first and only time so far in my life that I could see a face when dreaming or think of anyone. I can't see faces unless they are in front of me or in a picture. I have no idea why but as a result pictures have taken not only a special but important place in my heart.
     Last week we were out in the country on the property of some friends. It was a hunting party! Us gals hung out and the guys went out to shoot deer. It was super fun.

Self with a horse, new one for me! 

I brought my big camera in hopes to get some good shots of the kids in an environment we all prefer over the city. Boy did I get great shots. There was one in particular that I was determine to actually print and frame! Bear was up on Stormie's back with the biggest smile! Right as I snapped the shot Stormie yawned looking as if he was smiling too. Oh and the sun was beaming in behind them! It was a great shot. I got home that night and uploaded my pictures. Sure that they all uploaded I decided to format my disk since I hadn't done it in a while. I had a little check in my heart to to wait but I decided to push the button any ways.
     Well, for the first time I only got a partial uploaded onto my computer and I lost "the shot." I was so disappointed. I literally got mad and then cried. I cried a lot. I may have been crying out the weight of other life issues, you know how that goes. Finally, the thought accused to me maybe God has a purpose in this. So I asked. What was the point of that! I'm so mad at myself and disappointed! I know that in the whole of life this is stupid but I mattered to me! I felt the Spirit promoted my heart to look at the pictures I did upload. So I did. With tear filled eyes I saw it. The better "the shot" picture. It wasn't a picture of Bear who really wasn't that into the horses anyways. He brushed them for 5 min. and asked if he could go do something else. When He saw that Troy and Abi got to sit on the horse he ran back to sit too. Troy, is our kid that loves nature more that the rest. I love this about him. It seems our strongest connection right now as he is in a new phase of life. It's not my favorite that we have been through. I hear its normal but it takes a great deal of patience and discernment on our part as parents. He is almost 8. I'm sure this will be nothing when he is 13 but for me, right now its challenging.
     This picture captured the part of my son that I need to keep at the forefront of my mind as we go through our days of schooling, discipline, training and playing.

     God made this kid in His image. Troy loves God's creation and it is a giant blessing in my life. He was at that horses gate long before time to brush them and long after. Talking to them and admiring their beauty. This is the shot that God knew I NEEDED. Like my heart and my focus in loving my son in a not so lovable season is better off for the "amazing shot" getting deleted. I was so distracted by "the shot" I didn't even see this one.
     I have the this picture as my desk top to remind me that God does see and care about my Mom size tragedy but if I will put Him ever before me I shall not be shaken (Ps. 16:8) I could have shaken my fist at God and blamed my blunder on Him. In my pride I may have done that at other times but God has been teaching the great importance of humility lately. That its the soil that grace takes root in. I don't want grace to bounce of my pride I want to to soft humble soil for God to plant His grace into that He might harvest fruit for His kingdom.

"Humility is the only soil in which the graces root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone takes the right attitude before God, and allows Him as God to do all." -Andrew Murray