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Monday, October 3, 2016

He who has ears

      Hey there! Again, I haven't written in a while. I don't know if its the enemy discouraging me or just the ebb and flow of seasons.
      I was recently blessed to be flown out by Mom and Dad with my whole family for a visit! While there a few people asked are you still blogging I miss reading it. I was honestly shocked by that because it was so far off my radar! Anyways, I have something I want to share now.
     We had a wonderful trip to San Diego, the place of my growing up. Our family time was rich just the 5 of us during the day and time with Mamo, Papa, Uncle Lucas and Uncle Cody was pretty much the best yet. Hubby got to come for a week and then the kids and I stayed a second week.
More pictures from our trip at the end of the post
     My man hates being home with out us. I know we drive him crazy half the time but when we are away he is so verbal about how much he loves us and I get to hear his heart towards me in new ways that I relish! When we did get home it was a wonderful reunion as it always is and then just a few days later this thing about me came up.
     It started with Bear our 6 year old.
Bear: Mom.
Me: Yeah
Bear: Mom, could you just stop and look at me when I say your name. You aways keep walking away and I really want to tell you something and you don't listen.

      That truth out of my babies month was a little annoying honestly. "Seriously he doesn't know what I am required to do in a day. I HAVE to keep going or it will never get done!" I firmly rationalized way the holy conviction in my heart. Because I am so deeply and tirelessly loved by my Jesus a second conflict arose and this time with my husband. He was explaining something to me as I was preparing future lessons for the kids (as we are starting school for the year on Oct.3). I kept on with my preparations and half listened to him. When I think back now really I only listened enough to get the right responses in. "After all, he has not idea the pressure I am under to be mom, homemaker and teacher and I can't stop any old time he wants to tell me something." Well I got busted because I didn't get one of the, "ah, mmhum or ok babe," responses right. He got frustrated with me and said, " could you just stop what you are doing for a minute, your only half listening to me and I don't want to have a whole other conversation later about this when your ready to receive the details." Something else negative happened in communication that morning with my man and I began to sulk. The Holy Spirit would encourage me, Jess this is opportunity for change. "AH seriously, Lord he misses me so much when I'm gone and now that I'm here I just bug him." It was a toilet flush from there (you know downward spiral). Finally after about 20 minutes of poor me, poor me, blah blah blah! I went to Paul and said," I'm feeling really fragile about myself, all I am doing is bugging you and doing things wrong." My expectation at that point was for him to list wonderful things about me and make me feel better. Instead, he said, "Well why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and change." AH WHAT! Rude! I got quite an mad. He proceed to tell me gently, "Babe, this has been a thing our whole marriage. You half listen. You ask question and don't tune into the answer and then ask it again 2 hours later, I love you but it has been frustrating for me." I began to soften. I told him of my interaction with Bear and that I think God is getting my attention about something. He encouraged me the that discipline from our God isn't pleasant but we get to love better if we will do the work of surrender and change.
     So here is what to Lord has shown me since. Beyond the obvious root of selfishness of not wanting to be interrupted with my agenda. God said to me, "he who has ears let him hear." Matt. 11:15 Jesus said this a few times about different subjects.  Well I have ears sooooooo what am I missing Lord.
     To Hear is a primary verb and it also means to give audience. I got a visual. He is calling me to take the action to humble myself and purposefully come to the front of the stage and step down. Turn completely around and give my family the gift of HEARING them. Not even just listening with my eyes and body posture but with my God lead spirit. To slow down enough to truly HEAR what they are saying. This is something I lack in my walk with God as well.
     I have put this into practice and man does it make a difference. I even started putting my hands on my knees and bending over to be eye to eye with the kiddos. My man has been on a 48 at the fire station so I haven't gotten to practice much with him.
     Isn't God so good to frustrate our sin or have others frustrated with it! EEK! I am so thankful for my family. With out them I would surely go on living quite selfishly and I would be the poorer for it.
     So the challenge for the day is are we truly listening to our people? Are we willing to stop and HEAR them?































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