"Good Little Church Girl"

      So here is my testimony in a nut shell. I went to church with my family growing up. I accepted Jesus in Sunday school and I have had some ups and downs I have basically continued to walk with God since I was a child. I never made any crazy rebellious choices if you compare them to others. I made good choices in high school, I never dated anyone so there wasn't any impurity with boys. I would leave friends houses if they were watching distasteful movies. I mean I was a "good girl." Even into my younger adult years. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Oh, Jess your the one we don't worry about."
    I had always liked being the good girl until I went to Horizon's School of Evangelism right out of High School. They were teaching us one day how to share our testimony in 5 min. If you know me I was like, WHAT!? That didn't seem like much time to me. As I began to prepare to share I realized I don't actually have much to say. Sure, I was molested and God helped me through that but I hadn't lived this wild rebellious life with a super dramatic conversion. For the first time I began to think my testimony wasn't useful for evangelism. It didn't seem as powerful as other people in my class.

      This bothered me but I didn't ever have it settled in my heart. Just accepted it. Then recently I got to go on a trip to Headwaters to visit one of the girls from our church.

She is serving at the CAMP there this summer and I took the girls in her family out to see her. We had such a great time. Before we left I ask God to use me to be an encouragement to them and maybe even challenge them in their walks with Him.

Headwaters area

I think He may have said yes to that but what I didn't expect is how He wanted to use them to encourage me and challenge me in my walk! One of the girls shared on the way up that she struggles with having a boring testimony. She accepted Jesus and has always followed Him. She felt like it wasn't special or useful because it didn't have much to it and that's what God really uses to get peoples attention. I tried to encourage her but I didn't have a very good answer. Truth is I have and still kind thought the same thing about my testimony. I knew this couldn't be true, there can't be testimonies more powerful that other's because that is so us focus and not Savior focused. The whole issue didn't sit well so I asked God for wisdom on it. Here is what I got:
     The reason I didn't think I had a dramatic testimony is that I still didn't get it fully what I have been saved out of. See some of my jealously of people who have really "screwed up" is they get it. They don't seem to struggle with the grace issue like I do. I would read verses like this, Luke 7:47 
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” and feel like it's not far just because I make better choices and have less to be forgiven of (DANGER!) I don't get to love as much. The problem is that I saw myself as better than a prostitute. Here is the reality. I'm not. Arrogance has kept me from thinking I don't have a powerful testimony. I was looking at the whole thing from a  me perspective instead of a Jesus perspective. No matter how many better choices I made in my life the reality is the same. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). I am NOT a good girl. 
     We in the world put levels and degrees on sin. God doesn't. Do consequences for sin vary well yes and I think that is maybe why we think the gravity of our sin varies with God. Nope. To murder is to transgress or break God's law. To lie is to break God's law and if we break His law/standard in any area we need to be rescued because the sin must be paid for in blood. I have been rescued from Hell. I was headed strait to and eternity of fire and separation from my Creator just like the "bad person." There is no extra measure of grace for those who make good choices. That would be the gospel inside out. There is one choice to be made. Have I acknowledge and believed in my heart and confessed with muy mouth "that Jesus paid the price for my sin? If so, then grace and salvation. 
     Just wanted to share in case anyone else out there had struggled with the same thing. Blessings on your day! 

Gal. 3

10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursedis everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.”[e] 11 But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.”[f] 12 Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.”[g]

13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”[h]), 14 that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.