Failed Mother's Day

Ah Mother's Day. I got to the end of Mother's day this year in complete defeat. My man was on shift so I was flying solo. I tried so hard make sure my thinking and expectations were in the right place to no avail.
    This is our life my husband has missed my birthday and mothers day since he has been a firefighter. That's the down side to the job which pales in comparison the the up side. Like my husband gets to do what he is called to and loves doing. I get to stay home and do what I am called to and love doing. He is off 2/3 of the time but some times gone for the special days. The problem comes in when I lose sight of the great stuff and hone in on the few harder aspects.
     So fail. The kids and I had a great time in the morning with our church family and it went down hill from there. As much as they wanted to be perfect for me on Mother's day they were rotten. Fighting, lying, manipulating and so on. Just another day but today it was especially annoying because I was feeling sorry for myself that everyone else had husbands around to lighten the load and make them feel special. I chose to ignore their behavior until I blew up. I haven't blow up at them in a long time. God has really done a wonderful work in redeeming me from angry mom to self-controlled mom. So I screamed at them and took the dog out. As I came back in Troy our 7 year old is standing there crying. "I need a hug mom." The Holy Spirit says, "You get over yourself this instant and stop treating my kids this way." Yes Lord. I hugged him. He desperately says, "Mom I tried so hard to make Mother's Day special and be good but there is just bad in me!" I had wasted much of this day and right there in his words the Lord spoke softly to my heart, "Would you like Me to redeem it? Then tell him the gospel one more time." I scoop my boy in my arms and sat with him. "Me too, Troy. There is bad in me to. The bible tells us there is nothing good in us. That's why we need Jesus that is why its so great that Jesus died to pay for our bad so that we don't have to." Bear soon joined us. "I wanted so badly to be good on Mother's day too but I didn't choose it either. When you guys made bad choices I didn't give consequences I just got mad and that isn't how God parents us. I asked them to forgive me. They promptly did the same. We went to the Lord together and and confessed our sin and prayed for one another. Troy even asked God to help me to be fast to give consequences and take away privileges when the they disobey instead of get angry. We sat on the couch for a while and talked about the wonderful parts of the day. We laughed. God redeemed. The whole day could have been waisted but God redeemed it in one teachable moment of grace.
     See, I have been asking God to do what it takes to help me get grace. Just that morning I was talking with our Pastor about the disconnect between my head and heart on the matter of grace. How so often I try to earn or pay for my free gift. Getting the gospel inside out. I hate that I screamed at my kids and lost control but I love what God did with it. He took us from ashes to beauty.  Not only on that day but even now as I think back He showed me once again a picture of His love and redemption. There are no perfect Mama's no perfect kids and no perfect families. We are all in this together. In us lies no good thing. WE NEED JESUS. I'm so thankful to have Him.